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Month: May 2021

The paradox of perfect pandemic parenting

Is today the day that I infect everyone in my life because I dared to leave my own house,
Or is today the day that I lose my job because my children interrupted me every 5 minutes?

Maybe you shouldn’t have had kids if you weren’t prepared to take care of them 24/7,
But you also definitely shouldn’t have kids if you can’t provide for them financially.

Of course our first solution to this crisis shouldn’t be for all female parents to just stop working,
But we can’t really expect both parents to exit the workforce for 18 years, now can we?

You’re selfish if you don’t put the health, safety, and needs of your children first,
But you’re also selfish if you expect your work colleagues to pick up your slack.

If you go get your hair done, then everyone around you will die,
But you’re on camera a lot more these days, so you should really fix your hair.

Restaurants aren’t safe right now – even if you’re out on a patio, even if you’re getting takeout,
But if you don’t support your local restaurants then only Applebee’s will survive.

No one should set foot inside a school building until everyone has had a vaccine,
But the first vaccines to reach the market were rushed through trials and can’t be trusted.

A learning pod with people you trust is a great way educate your kids and get social interaction,
But these pods are also tools of the elite that only serve to deepen inequality.

Wearing a face mask isn’t political and everyone should just do the right thing for the public’s health,
But it’s critical that you vote for someone who’ll mandate masks, or everyone will die.

If you need one hour of quiet just to get through an important meeting, Moana’s got your back,
But just remember that the only kids who really thrive are those who never have screen time.

You and your kids can’t wait for all of this to be over so things can get back to normal,
But normal was over-scheduled weekends and letting someone else raise them during the week.

Fully vaccinated adults can gather together safely without masking,
But your children can’t get vaccinated yet so you better keep them away from unsuspecting adults.

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