Author: Kelly

Those poems I had accepted 3 years ago? Finally in print!

Those poems I had accepted 3 years ago? Finally in print!

Published by Kelly on May 6, 2013

In the before time, the long long ago (circa Feb 2010), Kelly I. Hitchcock had her first two poems accepted for publication by Clackamas Literary Review. These poems were Crayola Caste System and Skipping Stones. Many moons passed and Kelly began to wonder when the journal would be published and whether she should start sending some of her work to other journals. After all, this was one of those ancient texts which operate on mailed in submissions and federal grant funding. She at one point even used a telephone device to contact the Clackamas English department after several electronic mail pony expresses went unanswered; she just wanted to know if and when the fruits of her labor would appear on the page of this mysterious volume.

Well, just three short years later, that day is finally here. As of May 2013, the 2010 edition (I know, right?) of Clackamas Literary Review is finally published, along with the two poems that were accepted all those years ago. You can even purchase it on this newfangled thing called Amazon.

Okay, I poke fun a little bit. It’s certainly a poorly kept secret that the publishing industry is slow-ass-slow. Even so, a three year publication timeline for work that was already submitted by contributors and accepted by the editing staff is embarrassingly slow. I mean, in over three years, the following things have happened:

The work computer on which I wrote Crayola Caste System was two work computers ago.

The guy I was seeing (?) at the time I wrote Skipping Stones is now engaged to someone else, and I am married to someone else.

Obama was elected to a second term.

I had ten other poems and short stories get accepted and published by other literary journals.

I published one novel and wrote another.

Still, I never take a publication for granted. Any time I can have my work be accepted by a journal, it is a distinct honor, and having these two poems appear in Clackamas Literary Review is no exception. We all know it’s tough for print journals these days, but I can’t help but look at this situation with an adapt-or-die viewpoint. If it takes a publisher three years to go to print, eventually its reputation for slow-ass-slow publication timelines will supersede its reputation for quality contributions. Also, if you’re going to charge people to buy the print journal using online retailers such as Amazon, wouldn’t it be easy enough to offer it for electronic reading and open a new revenue stream?

But hey, that’s why I’m the writer and not the business person. And if you have $10 to spare, feel free to grab yourself a copy of the 2010 edition of Clackamas Literary Review. And maybe the 2011 issue in 2015, or the 2012 issue in 2025…

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It’s a deal! Portrait of Woman in Ink newest member of Bird Brain Publishing family

It’s a deal! Portrait of Woman in Ink newest member of Bird Brain Publishing family

Published by Kelly on April 15, 2013

Yep; it’s the longest blog title ever, but I’m so happy about getting this deal done I can’t think of a better abbreviation. After a needlessly long contract process, I’ve signed a book deal with Bird Brain Publishing for my second novel, Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook. We don’t have a release date defined yet, but it’ll be coming on quickly since we’ve already finished our editing process.

Now we have to do all the artwork, which is quite a bit more involved than a standard book with it being about tattoos and all. But I think it’ll go pretty quickly since they’ve got some talented graphics people on their small team.

I first queried them way back in July. Believe it or not, they were actually the first ones I queried, and one of the first small presses I had on my short list who expressed interest in the project. As a few more publishers expressed interest, our negotiations process stretched out a bit, but anything worth doing is worth doing right and taking your time with, and I am very excited about working with these crazy nice and talented peeps!

Plus, you know, it’s my first book deal, so I’ve got to be pretty stoked, right?

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The passive-aggressive breakup, part 2

The passive-aggressive breakup, part 2

Published by Kelly on April 8, 2013

Some time ago I mentioned that I had two publishers who were interested in my forthcoming novel, Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook. I also mentioned that both of them mysteriously stopped answering emails or returning phone calls for a little while. Frustrated out of my mind (hey – I don’t take kindly to being ignored), I contacted them both to have the DTR talk (defining the relationship, for those of you who’ve never had one… I mean, heard this term :D). Essentially, “Hey, are you still interested in me, or did that new girl from Valley steal you away from me?”

Okay, so I didn’t say it like that, and I don’t have anything against new girls (though we didn’t have many of them where I grew up), but I did ask if they were still interested in a very straightforward manner. To my surprise, both of them came back into the fold, saying they were still interested, and would be sending along contracts shortly. “Shortly” is a relative term in the publishing industry, I’ve found, as one of them sent their book deal contract along within a couple months. The other one however…

I kept talking with them, making sure they were still interested. They assured me that I was still very much on their radar and that my hair still looked good (metaphorically speaking). They strung me along for a bit, and even when I played the “I have another offer” card, they assured me that no other publisher could do for me what they could do for me, and that they’d have a deal over to me by the end of the month. That month, for your reference, was January.

In case you don’t own a calendar, it’s April, and they just told me TUH-DAY that they’ve decided to go in a new direction. I could be a little miffed at them, but how can I be, really? After all, I’m the one who let them string me along for 4 months, and didn’t just flat out say “Where’s my book deal, already?!” But I also can’t be angry with myself too much because I knew better than to let the door close on the first publisher who was interested, the ones who actually *did* have the consideration to send me the book deal they said they would, because I signed with them.

… But more on that in a post to come!

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In which I appear in a print anthology

Published by Kelly on March 18, 2013

In case you missed it, I had a poem published in Foliate Oak Literary Magazine back in May, my poem “Culley’s Pub: An Elegy“.

This same publisher is putting out a print anthology soon, and they’ve accepted Culley’s Pub to be part of this anthology. Yay! As per traditional publishing standards, I get a free copy of the anthology as payment for my work. Not complaining, just stating a fact.

As a little background, Culley’s Pub was my bar in college. Not by choice – my ex-husband always wanted to go there so we always went. Their signature drink was Mickey’s malt liquor, if that tells you anything. I’m told even the building Culley’s isn’t there anymore, so I suppose this is my way of immortalizing this seedy-ass dive bar.

In other news, I am starting a new job today so wish me luck.

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Library Bookspotting – January/February

Library Bookspotting – January/February

Published by Kelly on March 4, 2013

Howdy folks! My library volunteer time has been a little strained as my day job takes up more of what should be my personal time, but as I just accepted a new job elsewhere that should change a bit, and I can do these posts a little more regularly! Here are the gems I uncovered so far this year.

You all know how often and eagerly I rib poorly-titled popcorn adult mystery titles, but this one, a mystery about a Rabbi’s wife with a stereotypical Jewish foodstuff in the title (which I’m sure was meant to be a play on the Evita song but last I knew ‘pastrami’ didn’t rhyme with ‘Argentina’) is walking far too fine a line with a Jewish stereotype and almost crosses over into racist territory. Or maybe I just need to lighten up and roll my eyes like I do with “Chihuahua of the Baskervilles”.

The reason I found this juvenile nonfiction biography humorous is not only because this book seems to fly off our shelves courtesy of those afflicted by Bieber fever, but also because this book made my biceps hurt it is so thick. Bieber is what – 16? And yet his 100% official (whatever that means) biography is something like 1000 pages long. And this says just getting started… can’t wait to read volume 2 here in another 16 years.

This is the unofficial cookbook. They can’t stress that enough. They try, even going so far as to include a long-winded disclaimer that this cookbook was not authorized or written by Rowling or her publisher. I don’t know why they didn’t go as far as to say these recipes did not come from Professor Magonagle’s doctoral thesis or that getting actual mudblood as an ingredient is not without risk. After all, they wanted to make sure everyone knew that despite this being the unofficial cookbook, not in use at Hogwarts, this book is a New York Times Bestseller. So THERE!

This book caught my eye about 2 days after I read an article about a parent who appealed her daughter’s F grade on a paper, a grade given because of plagiarism, because it was the mother and not the daughter who wrote the paper. I’ll come right out and say that past grade… 6? I probably would not be able to solve my child’s math problems (they underline math, I think in an attempt to be funny). But just judging from the cover, I immediately jumped to 2 conclusions: either the author is indulging in an environment of overparenting where children rely on their parents to do their homework for them for fear they will fail at life if they get one F, or it’s just a misguided attempt to be helpful to parents who (like me) are mathematically challenged. Either way, your kid needs to solve his own damn math problems and forget everything after College Algebra like the rest of us!

Pretty is as Pretty Dies. A standard punbelievable title for a popcorn adult mystery novel. This alone would make me giggle and roll my eyes. But WTF is this cover art, apart from good old-fashioned nightmare fuel? Garden gnomes and pretty should never be used in the same sentence, a rule I would extend to cover art and titles. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to do a sweep of my property to make sure there are no killer garden gnomes in the immediate vicinity before this image keeps me awake at night.

That’s it for now! Stay tuned for odd, silly, and mind-boggling library finds next month!

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Guest posting over at L.M. Stull’s place

Published by Kelly on January 28, 2013

Oh hello,

You came to find me but today I am over at my good buddy L.M. Stull’s blog with a story that equal parts hilarious and full of life lessons, called “Good Things Come To Those Who Wait.” The lesson? Be good to your waiters, waitresses, and other people you’re supposed to tip, especially if you’re the kind of person who’s supposed to be generous to the poor. The other lesson? Poor treatment by someone does not give you license to treat them poorly right back.

And did I mention it’s funny? I did, didn’t I. Okay, so go check it out: http://lmstull.com/blog/

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“Manifesto of a Neglected Chipmunk” Featured in Anthology Work

“Manifesto of a Neglected Chipmunk” Featured in Anthology Work

Published by Kelly on January 14, 2013

FYI – this is what the number one Google image result for the phrase “Neglected Chipmunk” looks like… pretty much sums up my story.

Quite some time ago, a flash fiction story of mine, Manifesto of a Neglected Chipmunk, was featured on the Rose City Sisters’ flash fiction anthology blog. Happily enough, the kind sisters of the Rose City thought this story was good enough to warrant inclusion in their forthcoming print anthology, Pasadena Flash, which is going to be a best-of collection of the many stories they’ve published over the years.

I’m not sure when the book is going to drop, but it’ll probably be before next Christmas, so if one of your New Year’s resolutions was to get your Christmas shopping done before December 24 this year, you’re probably in luck 🙂

Like the website, the book will be perfect for people who love to read but don’t have a boatload of time to fritter away doing so. (Some of us aren’t so lucky.)

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Library Bookspotting December 2012

Library Bookspotting December 2012

Published by Kelly on January 7, 2013

It was a December to remember at the branch library I volunteer at here in town. Here are my finds for the month, and the end of the year.

Sometimes, I see a book whose cover is so bad and so boring, I think I could probably do a better version of it in Notepad. This is one of them. Of course, there is no shortage of books designed to scare people about what they put in their children’s bodies, so why wouldn’t there be a handful of them for easily persuadable pet owners? And at the very least, they could have borrowed one of those pitiful-looking faces that we see in those Sarah McLachlan commercials. “I will vaccinate you…”

I know I have made fun of some punbelivable adult mystery titles before, especially those that play on classic literature, but this one really takes the cake. It’s just… shameful. Even the chihuahua on the cover is like “This is so wrong”. I can only imagine it is about a mystery-solving chihuahua whose ghost haunts the Baskervilles, a 2-bedroom apartment complex in suburban Salt Lake City.

Again, this is one of those book covers that is so literal, so boring, and so shoddily put together that it’s just laughable. Then again, if you’re learning how to hunt open country mule deer by reading a book, you’re kind of asking for it. I thumbed through this one a bit, just because I wondered what kind of content actually goes into an instructional text on deer hunting, and it’s mostly ammunition diagrams. Figures the content would be as boring as the cover. The author’s name also made me chuckle, as “Dwight Schuh” is dangerously close to “Dwight Shrute.” I wonder if he hunts mule deer on the open country of his 60-acre beet farm…

And the winner of the month. The spine of this guy caught my attention as I was shelving it with the other early readers, and I thought to myself, “Wow, Dragon Puncher might be the most awesome title for a book I have ever heard of. I can’t wait to see what’s on the cover.” I did not expect to see an actual cat in a cartoon cat suit, yet it somehow is even more amazing than anything I could have pictured in my mind. When I teach my future children to read, you can bet they will be doing so to Dragon Puncher.

See y’all next year! I hope one of your New Year’s Resolutions is to pay more visits to your local library!

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2012 is gone… what did I do?

Published by Kelly on January 1, 2013

It’s that goal-reflection and goal-setting time of year. The time when the whole world reflects on its activities completed in the year as it comes to a close, and determines what activities will transpire in the year to come. And buys a gym membership they use a lot in January, sparingly in February, and completely give up on by March.

I, for the record, spent far more days of 2012 in the gym than skipping it. So, what writerly activities did I complete in the last year?

I read 60 books.

Not to be all braggy, but that’s more than a book a week. The secret wasn’t having more time, although quitting my shockingly low-paying freelance gig did free up a little bit more time, the secret was having more access. I started volunteering for the library, which meant I could bring something home every week, download audiobooks to my iPod Touch, and borrow Kindle books. I had never really gotten into audiobooks before, but I found it to be a great reading addition for certain activities like lifting weights, putting away laundry, and walking to the bank.

I finished writing my second novel

It was a collaborative effort between an academic, eleven women with tattoos, and a handful of tattoo artists. The writing part was great; in fact I think it’s one of the best things I have ever written in my lifetime. Getting a publisher was a bjillion times easier than what I experienced with my first book, but boy howdy going through the hoops of the book deal process is hard. I’m not sure if it’s actually hard, or if it just feels that way, but stay tuned because it’s going to be hitting the shelves before you know it… I hope.

My first novel celebrated its first birthday

And in its first year, it got over 5,000 promotional downloads, and had significantly far less paid copies sold. It got 14 reviews on Amazon, only one of which was a 1-star-er, 3 reviews on Barnes and Noble, and 18 ratings on Goodreads. It made it to the semi-final round of The Kindle Book Review best independent book of 2011 contest. It also pissed off my mom.

I started writing my third novel

Full disclosure – it’s barely one chapter at this point, but it’s going to rock. It’ll also be my first novel-length work that uses true chapters instead of a series of short stories. We’ll see how the long form story works out for me.

I wrote other stuff

A handful of poems, a couple flash fiction pieces, nothing too crazy, and not nearly as much as I should have written. I only got a couple of things featured or published, which I again should have hit harder.

Yep, that was 2012. So what’s 2013 going to bring, besides more steady gym time (I do, after all, have to fit into a wedding dress)? Here are my goals, in no particular order.

Publish novel #2. This one’s at the top, because it will with any luck happen first. Stay tuned.
Finish writing novel #3. If I can write, edit, and publish novel #2 in a little over a year, I should really try to do that every year. Even with a full-time job.
ABQ. Always be querying. I need to keep all my poems, short stories, and other crap in constant rotation.
Start expanding my freelance portfolio, because I might not want to work for the man all my life.
Write more stuff.
Keep my workshop group going.
Show nothing but love for other authors (but still make fun of ridiculous library finds).

Authors – always be looking to improve your writing, your platform, and your abdominals. My New Year’s Resolution, for the record, is to schedule my tweets each week so I am consistently building my platform. And to floss more.

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“Getting” is to “Book Deal” as “Jumping” is to “Hoops”

Published by Kelly on December 24, 2012

Like most introspective, creative people, my least favorite form of communication is the phone. Sure, I enjoyed it plenty when I was 15, but I’m now 15 x 2 so I would much rather just email you, thanks very much.

When I began writing Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook, it was fortuitous of me to do the project for National Novel Writing Month, because I was on a time crunch. It also meant I couldn’t procrastinate picking up the phone and calling people to talk about their tattoo stories, and ask them if they’d be willing to let me write about them for this project. That was nerve-wracking, since I basically felt like I was asking them to bear their souls to me just so I could write another book. Still, they were my friends, and I appreciated their candidness and willingness to let me write about it. I was on a 30-day time crunch, so I couldn’t let people equally un-phone-y as me dodge my calls for long.

After I finished the project and started sending it around to publishers, I got a bite. The publisher asked that we have a – you guessed it – phone call. It was a good phone call, I learned a lot about what they were willing to do for me, but in exchange, they wanted me to do something for them: get all the friends whose tattoos I wrote about to sign a legal release form saying that when the book makes it big they won’t sue me for royalties, and to get all the tattoo artists who drew their tattoos to give consent to use the images. Which meant… 23 phone calls.

I also now had to ask my friends to sign a legal document saying they wouldn’t sue me and yes, I felt like a total dick. Pretty much without exception, all of them were totally cool about it; after all, they are my friends and they were as excited as I was about the prospect of me getting a book deal. I also had to ask them who did their tattoos, and call up their shops, leave messages, call back the next day, leave another message, explain myself several times… lather, rinse, repeat.

But this is what you do when you want your book to see the light of day, so I’m gladly doing it. But you can bet your britches that my next book will not bear any likenesses or have overlapping copyright implications that make me chew my nails down! Also, I refuse to make any phone calls over this long holiday weekend, so if I am waiting on you for your signed release form or tattoo image consent, you get a whole 4 days of me not calling to remind you.

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