Author: Kelly

In Which I Reflect on Christmases Past…

Published by Kelly on December 19, 2012

It’s a week before Christmas, it’s 80 degrees outside, and I’m enjoying a nice cup of spiked hot cider with a real cinnamon stick. It doesn’t sound like that reflective of a moment, but it is for me. When I was a kid, I thought both liquor and real cinnamon sticks were something only rich people buy. My fiance picked up a couple baggies of cinnamon sticks last night for a hot buttered rum recipe we decided to try. I have never bought cinnamon sticks before because I always assumed they were a luxury item for fancy people. Turns out, they are less than 99 cents.

It’s odd to think of something that costs 99 cents as a luxury item, but Crayolas are only a couple bucks more expensive than less-than-crayola crayons, and I never go to have those as a kid, either. Christmas time was always a very tense occasion in my family. They usually involved my parents getting payday loans and putting things on layaway, things that because I went to college and worked hard to get a good writing job I could stroll into the store and buy even on the last day before payday. There was always more fighting around Christmas as money got tighter, and I got more and more complacent about the holidays as the years went on.

But that’s Christmas past, not Christmas future. I don’t buy Christmas presents with payday loans or nearly-maxed out credit cards. My fiance has revived the Christmas spirit that I thought died in me a long time ago. We make Christmas our own – with liquor and Nutella-stuffed cookies and our wall of Christmas lights, Mystery Science Theater 3000’s Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and silly Texas Christmas cards.

And this might just be the best Christmas ever.

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The passive-aggressive breakup: It’s not you, it’s me.

Published by Kelly on December 3, 2012

When an acquisitions editor for a publishing house emails you saying he or she is interested in your book, it’s hard not to get your hopes up. When FOUR (yes, capital FOUR) editors email you saying they’re interested, it gets even harder.

Then comes the day one of them says they’re offering you a book deal, but the deal never mysteriously arrives in your inbox, they don’t return your calls, and you start obsessively checking your spam folders.

That’s not how it’s supposed to happen, but that’s how it’s happened for me. Late last summer, I started talking with a publisher who expressed interest in my book. They gave me a list of edits they wanted me to make; I made them. I emailed them, they responded. We talked format, marketing, tattoos (it’s what the books about), and they were incredibly responsive. Then they told me they’d have the contract to me on Tuesday. Tuesday came. Tuesday went. Another Tuesday came and went, and suddenly it felt like my emails were going straight to a fax machine that spit directly into a recycle bin (which we all know is what all fax machines really do, otherwise people would claim they actually receive the faxes I send).

Naturally, I didn’t want to be the pushy, needy author who demands to know where her contract is, lest they decide to pull the plug on the project, but still – I am a person, with needs! I politely sent some “followups”, but then something happened that made me back off a little…

Another editor emails me to say “they’d love to publish my book.” We start talking, over the phone (even though I abhor the phone due to the fact that I suck ass at it), over email (yay!). They begin putting up the hoops I need to jump through, I begin jumping like a good little author. They say they’re going to give me an advance and offer me a deal that’s quite a bit better than the one the aforementioned (but nameless) publisher was offering, so I keep in constant contact with them with each hoop I jump through, until they say they’re ready to move forward.

Then… AGAIN! My emails start going into oblivion. My phone calls start going straight to voicemail. Weeks go by, I maintain polite follow-up protocol, and nothing. Now, I’m even politely crawling back to the first publisher who ignored me, hoping they’ll notice this cool new thing I did to my hair and take me back, or take me, to begin with.

I find myself wondering… is it me? I feel like Cher in Clueless (who, if you didn’t know, was based on Jane Austen’s Emma) after Christian shuts down her sexual advances. What did I do wrong? Did my hair go flat? Did I stumble into some bad lighting? What’s WRONG with me?
… and then I remind myself that if the book’s good enough to get the attention (despite losing it later) of four publishers, it’s probably good enough to get the attention of one that will follow through.

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Library Bookspotting November 2012

Published by Kelly on November 30, 2012

It’s been crazy busy, so I have two months’ worth of library bookspotting to catch up on, but lucky for you, it’s worth it. Here goes!

My library has a pretty respectable collection of Spanish language books for all ages. This one is meant for early readers and asks the literary question “Who was Anne Frank?” (and why did she have such a gigantic head?) We have a whole collection of these “Who was” children’s biographies, and all the heads are huge. Sorry, Anne, but this caricature-like cover really doesn’t add to the somber tone.

I often rip on serial mysteries and how hokey their titles often are, but this one has the double whammy of a horribly puntastic title and an equally ridiculous cartoon cover image. I do like that they included the whitewashed fence in the background, I just wonder what they called the Tom Sawyer version.

The thumbnail doesn’t do this book justice, since you can’t see that it’s called “Afterbirth”. I think this is another case of the Japanese not quite getting the other meaning of the translation, kind of like they did with “Night Head.”

Did you know that Al Roker also wrote mystery novels in his spare time? Neither did anyone else. At least it doesn’t bear the characteristically punbelievable title convention, but all of his mysteries are set on the set of a talk show, which is a little uninventive from the likes of Al Roker.

I just couldn’t resist snapping a pic of this early reader that got returned right after the election. Regardless of what political side of the fence you’re on, it’s a fair question to ask. Some might be surprised to learn that this book actually contained pages.

I was a little taken aback by this children’s biography only because I can’t believe they couldn’t find a picture of Michael Jackson that didn’t look like his face was scratched up by an angry cat. There are probably more pictures of Michael Jackson than there are McDonald’s fries in the world’s landfills, and yet this is the one they put on the cover.

That’s all for this episode! Stay tuned for more horrible library finds as the holidays wear on.

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Foreword, Introduction, or Preface?

Published by Kelly on November 12, 2012

For my forthcoming project, Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook, I thought it would be a good idea to enlist an academic who could speak to the history between women and tattoos. After reading this article in the Lawrence Journal-World, I knew I had found my academic in Women’s Studies professor Dr. Marta Vicente, and I asked her (and happily enough, she agreed) to write me a foreword.

But did I mean introduction? Or preface? No doubt you’ve seen all three in books you’ve read, but what makes a preface a preface, a foreword a foreword, or an introduction an introduction? I wasn’t really sure I knew the difference, since it wasn’t exactly something they covered in my undergraduate creative writing studies.

Besides, who needs book learnin’ when there’s Wikipedia? So I looked it up.

Foreword: Typically written by someone other than the primary author of the work, it often tells of some interaction between the writer of the foreword and the book’s primary author or the story the book tells.
Preface: Generally covers the story of how the book came into beginning, or how the idea for the book was developed; this is often followed by thanks and acknowledgments to people who were helpful to the author during the time of writing.
Introduction: Typically describes the scope of the document and gives the brief explanation or summary of the document. It may also explain certain elements that are important to the essay if explanations are not part of the main text.

Since the piece she wrote summarizes some of the book, but also goes into some of the historical significance of women and tattoos, I’m not really sure which of these it falls into. The summary part of it screams introduction, but the academic references indicate foreword. I could even argue for preface, since you might say women throughout history set the stage for the women in the book to tell their stories through body art.

Or maybe I should just call it a unicorn and be done with it. What do y’all think?

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New poem up!

Published by Kelly on November 1, 2012

The poetry is back! And I have a new one for your verse-loving pleasure. I’ve been pretty well entrenched in wedding planning stuff for the past month or so, so naturally it was on my brain when I was thinking of writing a new poem.

And this is what came out of it! Check out Shotgun and let me know what you think 🙂

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What’s In A (Pen) Name?

Published by Kelly on October 22, 2012

I’ve been thinking a lot about names lately. For one thing, I recently got engaged, and my fiance isn’t super keen on the idea of me keeping my maiden name. As Kelly Hitchcock, I’ve published one novel (and hopefully one more), a few short stories, and several poems. Still, he maintains that he wants me to take his last name, which is four syllables… not exactly hyphen-friendly. And anyone who has read my work knows I am a big fan of the hyphen; almost as much as I would be a semicolon superfan if it didn’t make me look like a pretentious a-hole.

It also came up in my writer’s group the other day – when is it appropriate to use a pen name? I imagine that if your given name at birth is Brad Pitt or James Cameron and you plan on making a serious living as an author, you might want to use a pen name to distance yourself from the celebrity namesakes (then again, you might want to invite the connection). Then there’s the case of writers who cross over into writing in another genre – like erotica – and use a pen name to maintain the separation between the two genre’s writings. Or maybe your name just sucks, like Dentenia Zickafoose.

What I wonder is:

It’s common practice for doctors and lawyers to keep their maiden names based on public professional accomplishments. Income disparity notwithstanding, does the same expectation exist for authors?
Is it icky to take on a pen name for no apparent reason? No evidence of genre-switching, crappy namesake, or celebrity doppelhood?

What do you think?

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Library Bookspotting for September 2012

Published by Kelly on October 15, 2012

September was a great month for me, both personally and professionally, both of which I will elaborate on in a future post. For now, savor these tasty gems I found while volunteering at the library last month.

It’s a good this fiction (?) novel is geared toward junior high boys, because otherwise men of all ages might track it down and enjoy it. How do I know? My fiance laughed hysterically and said he would read it, and all he reads is programming books. I think we can all recall a day this very thing has happened – I once ate street tacos for every meal and yes, it ended badly. And The Day My Butt Went Psycho is supposedly based on a true story…

This one’s a little hard to read since the cover’s so busy, but it’s a children’s cookbook called The Star Wars Cookbook: Wookiee Cookies and Other Galactic Recipes. I’ve been trying to get a good shot of this one for awhile, but it never stays on the shelf for long. I want to believe that the publishers of this fine specimen had no idea that Wookiee Cookie had another, more grownup, meaning, so I will give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, they knew the correct spelling of Wookiee – which blew my mind when I discovered it. I’ll have to check it out and try the Boba Fettucine for myself sometime.

Remember how I told you that mystery novels, particularly those in series, have ridiculous titles based on bad puns? Well, here’s another case in point. Roast Mortem (part of the Coffeehouse Mystery series) is about as stretchy of a pun as you can get. Despite its terribly punny title, this book actually doesn’t look half bad.

The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln is an I-Can-Read book. I can’t think of more appropriate subject matter to use to teach my child to read with than the in-cold-blood killing of our 16th president. I’ll avoid this one like the plague – I’d rather wait until the dog passes away to explain the concept of death instead of using poorly illustrated photos of Abraham Lincoln’s assassination.

Stay tuned for October’s finds!

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Six Sentence Sunday 10/7/2012

Published by Kelly on October 7, 2012

Welcome back to my 6-sentence snippet series from my book, Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook. This is the final week I will be sharing with you snippet from each chapter. (Click here to see last week’s snippet)

Today we meet Erika, a new mother who uses her tattoo as a way to heal from her debilitating fear of phone calls and her father’s death.

As she exited the shower, she caught her reflection in the full-length mirror, reminding herself for the hundredth time not to get in too big a hurry to get back in the gym. There would be plenty of time for that when her maternity leave was over, which would be here before she knew it. Maybe tomorrow, she thought to herself, she’d take Josie for a few laps in the park in the expensive jogging stroller that was currently being used as a clothing rack. As she toweled off her back, her eyes were drawn, as they always were, to the tattoo over her left shoulder, just behind her heart. Erika stepped backwards, closer to the mirror, tracing the part of the tattoo’s outline she could reach. Almost four years, and it was still as vibrant as the day she’d gotten it.

That’s all for today! Be sure to check out some of the other talented people over at www.SixSunday.com.

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Six Sentence Sunday 9/30/2012

Published by Kelly on September 30, 2012

Welcome back to my 6-sentence snippet series from my book, Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook. Over the next 2 weeks, I will be sharing with you snippet from each chapter. (Click here to see last week’s snippet)

Today we meet Megan, who’s welcoming her brother home from the military for his first Thanksgiving in eight years, but when he comes home it’s not quite the homecoming she expects.

Her eyes widened a mile. She’d never once considered getting a tattoo. Even if she had considered it, she never would have done it. Just like her smoking, her parents never would have approved. Even now, at thirty-one, going and getting a tattoo was about as likely as asking her mother to watch her German shepherd, Daggit, so she could go off and spend the night with her new boyfriend. But looking at Nathan, buzz cut and broad-shouldered, she knew she was going to do it.

That’s all for today! Be sure to check out some of the other talented people over at www.SixSunday.com, and come back to visit next week!

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Six Sentence Sunday 9/23/2012

Published by Kelly on September 23, 2012

Welcome back to my 6-sentence snippet series from my book, Portrait of Woman in Ink: A Tattoo Storybook. Over the next 3 weeks, I will be sharing with you snippet from each chapter. (Click here to see last week’s snippet)

Today we meet Anna, a grad student who’s struggled with her thesis year ever since her mother’s suicide, and when she finally graduates, she finds a reason to celebrate.

Just below the inside joint of her elbow, the ink still scaly and dry, was the word “Love” written in the unique script of her mother. Anna wanted it on the inside of her arm because she knew someday it would be the very crook of her arm where she would carry her own children, the same way her mother had carried her. She was sad that they’d never be able to meet their grandmother, but in a small way, it would be like they knew the same kind of love that flowed through the veins beneath the inked skin. She’d scanned the letter that her mother had enclosed in her old birthday card and taken to the best tattoo shop in Blacksburg the day before graduation, the day her cooperating professor told her she’d aced her master’s thesis. Some of the essays were going to be published in the college’s literary journal, the Hokie Review.

Every essay had been based on something that Anna had found in the box of keepsakes her dad had set aside for her, the one she’d banged her knee on earlier that year.

That’s all for today! Be sure to check out some of the other talented people over at www.SixSunday.com, and come back to visit next week!

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